THIS IS A TEST SITE
Mental health concerns in the context of faith:
A Jewish Perspective
Meet Benjamin:
Benjamin is Jewish and lives with Bipolar mood disorder. Benjamin grew up in BC and went to Jewish day school. He walks with his family to the synagogue on the Shabbat, and loves to swim at the JCC.
Benjamin has also struggled with this question of reconciling mental health and faith. Benjamin recounts:
I felt very isolated because I needed to hide my illness. I kept asking what would the Jewish community think of me, everyone would start judging me. I thought that Jewish people never get mental illness, so I felt I must deserve this, what have I done wrong? I’m a bad person, does God hear my cries for help? Is it ok for me to talk to God without using the usual prayers? If I was more observant and kept more Mitzvahs I would not be so punished. I’m such a burden to my family in more ways than one. If people in my synagogue find out about my illness it would shed bad light on my family. If other people are exposed to my highs or lows, that would reflect so badly on the Jews. How do I keep hiding this? I felt ashamed even thinking about talking to my Rabbi.
I realized that I needed to break the isolation. I thought if I find a Rabbi who would understand…but really how would I even begin? One day I was at an event at the JCC and saw a poster on mood disorders. I got so excited that for the first time an issue like that was presented in a Jewish environment. Was it possible that I was not alone? With tremendous hesitation and fear, I called the number on the poster, and that was my turning point.
We talked about many things in that group but one great story stayed with me. It is a story told by Rabbi Nachman of Breslov:
The Chicken Prince
There was once a prince who lived with his father and mother, the king and queen, in a splendid fashion. He received the finest education and upbringing.
To his parents' chagrin, one day the prince went through an identity crisis and came to the conclusion that he was really a chicken and not a human being.
Initially, the king and queen thought he was kidding. However, after he stopped joining them at the royal table and instead, moved under the table and sat there naked and pecking at crumbs, they knew that serious trouble was afoot.
Needless to say, the prince's strange behavior caused indescribable angst for his loving parents, and intense embarrassment for the royal family at large. The king was ready to spare no expense for the person who could cure his son. The finest doctors and psychiatrists of the land came and tried to cure the prince, all to no avail.
The king was at a loss until a gentle-looking wise man came to the palace. "I hereby offer to cure the prince free of charge," declared the man. "My only condition is that no one interferes with anything I do."
Intrigued and desperate, the king and queen readily agreed.
The following day, the prince had company under the table. It was the wise man. "What are you doing here?" asked the chicken prince.
"Why are you here?" countered the man.
"I am a chicken," responded the prince emphatically.
"Well, I am also a chicken," the man replied. With that, he began to gobble like a chicken and peck at the crumbs on the floor. The prince was convinced. A few days passed in this fashion.
One morning, the wise man signaled to the king to bring him a shirt. He said to the prince, “I don’t see any reason a chicken can’t wear a shirt.” The prince thought about it and agreed, and soon the two of them were wearing shirts.
Soon the wise man asked to be brought a pair of pants. He said to the prince, “Is it forbidden for chickens to wear pants? Certainly not!” The prince thought it over and agreed, and soon the two of them were wearing pants.
So the process continued. Shortly thereafter, the wise man convinced the chicken prince that it was not forbidden for chickens to eat human food, which was surely tastier. Then came sitting at the table and enjoying human conversation. Within a short time, the chicken prince, although still maintaining that he was a chicken, began conducting himself exactly like a regular person.
Benjamin continues:
What I love about this story is how the wise man went down to the prince’s level, under the table. He wanted to understand him and show him that he gets it. I believe that’s what really helped the prince take the steps towards recovery and joining his family. It is amazing for me that Rabbi Nachman, who lived so long ago, was able to understand how I feel sometimes. The struggle I go through is not new or foreign to Jewish tradition. Wow! I just didn’t know that.
I started to understand that I am not alone and that my story is part of the Jewish people’s story. With this realization I stopped punishing myself, I don't have to keep battering myself that this is all my fault.
A psalm of David:
3 (2) Be gracious to me, ADONAI,
because I am withering away;
heal me, ADONAI,
because my bones are shaking;
4 (3) I am completely terrified;
and you, ADONAI — how long?
5 (4) Come back, ADONAI, and rescue me!
Save me for the sake of your grace…
For ADONAI has heard the sound of my weeping,
10 (9) ADONAI has heard my pleading,
ADONAI will accept my prayer.
Surprisingly my mental health challenges has made me feel closer to God, because of the intense pain that I have experienced, I have more compassion for people, and I have become more caring. I might never understand why God has put me on this journey, but I am more comfortable to live with this mystery. Because it has certainly been a tough one.
Once I got involved in collecting Tzadkah for Israel bonds in my synagogue, but then, in my high, I gambled away all that money! In the moment I didn't even care, but afterwards I had to tell my family. You can only imagine my agony facing my family. I felt I could never set foot in the synagogue again. But then the Rabbi of my congregation heard about that and came to talk to me at my home. I thought I would die that evening. We talked for a while and to my utter surprise, he really made me realize that I mattered and that he cared. He wasn’t there to make me feel ashamed. He cared enough to take the time to get to know me and my family and that has meant the world to me.
So the struggle continues, but I am not as alone. I have hope and I have a community. But more importantly I am grateful for the little things that I experience every day like going to my favourite coffee shop to meet friends, seeing my family, things that I took for granted before. Since that Tzadkah event several members in the synagogue came up to me after services and shared their own personal stories of mental health struggles. I thought that people of Jewish faith do not get mental illness, but this is just a chronic medical condition that can afflict any human being.
